It means No Worries.

Hakuna Matata. 

If that didn't start the song playing in your mind then you have issues. Just kidding  :) 

Josh used to always quote this to me when we first started dating. I'd be worried and stressed out about a test and he'd look at me a smile and say "Hakuna Matata, Gorgeousness (that's what he calls me)". 

Even if I knew that it meant "no worries", it wouldn't really help the situation at hand or how I felt about it - because I didn't want it to help. Sometimes I get caught up in the worrying and the fretting and a small part of me doesn't want to stop. If I can't control the situation itself, then by golly, I'm going to worry and fret because that's something I can control. 

The last couple of nights have been rough because I've woken up at early hours, for no reason, and with no easy way to fall back asleep. In the still and the quiet, the worries attack. 

"How are you going to manage this, do you realize you're giving up sleeping through the night for forever, here goes sleeping in on the weekends, what if the hospital sucks, what if you're on your own as new parents with no help..." etc.. 

It would go on like that for hours if it hadn't dawned on me that these thoughts are from God. These worries and fears are not of the mind of Christ. In fact His word tells us in Matthew 6:34 that "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?" So I did something different - I began to pray. And I prayed until I fell asleep. 

As a slight control freak, I don't like change. In fact I detest it. But this is where God is growing me again. This child is about to change my life in a big big way - in fact it already has changed in many ways. I guess I am thankful that we have 9 or so months to adjust to the idea of being a parent. Can you imagine? Waking up one day with a little bundle in the next room and thinking "Where'd that come from??". 

There are times where I feel so inadequate to be entrusted with this little bundle. At times I feel like I'm still a child myself in many ways and still learning about the world and my faith. But God knows us best, and he gives us what we need when we need it. We are so excited for our little one to show up in May, and I'm praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy and baby from now until then!

We went to the doctor last week and we heard the heartbeat for the first time. It was an amazing experience and both of us got lumps in our throats. Our next appointment is in about 2 and a half weeks and sometime in December we will go for the sonogram. Hopefully then, we can find out if it's a boy or a girl!

How far along: 13 weeks, 4 days

Total weight gain: 2-3 pounds give or take

Maternity clothes: some shirts

Stretch marks: nope

Sleep: Comes and goes

Best moment of this week: Monday was just awesome - felt great, felt positive! 

Miss anything: the occasional glass of red wine

Movement: ....not sure if it was movement or a gas bubble..   ;)

Food cravings: depends on the day. Today's craving is sushi!

Anything make you queasy or sick: still eggs at times, too much milk...

Have you started to show yet: People say yes. 

Gender: hoping for a Boy! 

Labor signs: Nope

Belly button in or out: In! 

Wedding rings on or off: On! 

Happy or moody most of the time: This week has been focused on being Joyful, no matter the circumstances. 

You gotta love military medicine

So, our first appointment is Monday - and to be honest, it's really nerve wracking. Unfortunately, the closest military hospital is proving to not be the best.. Between this appointment and the last one we have had, I have received no calls. None. Zip. Zero.

Not about my lab work, not to even confirm our pregnancy - nada.

And that upsets me. My greatest fear is that we will go in for the ultrasound and nothing will be there - just some fluke of my human body - and all this hype will have been for nothing. This fear is especially compounding since I have been feeling much better, much more normal than when we first found out. And there's a small little voice in my head telling me it's all in my head, I'm making this all up. If not for a positive pregnancy test and two missed periods, I'd almost be inclined to believe the little voice in my head.

But this is exactly how the enemy targets us - he latches on to a piece of insecurity, a piece of fear and begin to mangle and grow it until you can't ignore it anymore.

but God's word is the Truth with which we must fight back. God's word can combat any situation. While it won't tell me if there's truly a baby in there, it will tell me how to combat the Devil and his wares. Jesus says He will never leave us and forsake us. He also tells us to trust him and that is what I must do.

I can't allow my fear to overtake me and control my life - that's no way to live and we are commanded to live by faith anyway. :)

Welcome Baby Love!

I may be jumping the gun here, but I wanted to get it out there. That's right - Baby Love is due on 11 May 2014. We found out really early so this is still a shock and surprise to us both. The last month has been all about adjustment, getting used to the hormones and body changes that come with pregnancy. Needless to say, this wasn't in our "grand plan" just yet, but it's all a part of God's bigger plan for us and I'm ok with that.

I'll start from the beginning -  we got married in April and then moved to Hawaii. I went back to MD to get Schafer and returned on 11 August. I had a normal monthly in the beginning of August and the next one was due on September 4th. Labor Day came and went and nothing happened. I have never missed a period and I was so tired all the time. After about 5 days past, I decided to take a test. I half hoped it would be negative (I'm still in school and the idea was to wait until I got my degree to start having kids). I got the test that essentially says "pregnant"/"not pregnant". You're supposed to wait 5 minutes for the results to appear. I had gone to get a glass of water and left the test on the counter. I came back about 30 seconds later and lo and behold, the result said Pregnant! I was honestly in shock for a bit - then I called my Mom. She had made me promise that if I got pregnant, she'd be the first to know. Then Josh got home. I made him sit down and I showed him the test. We were both in shock for about a week. It still hasn't fully sunk in yet. Our next appointment will be on the 28th and that's when we're supposed to hear the heart beat and all that good stuff. So far, I haven't been feeling too hot. I had some really bad nausea a few weeks ago. Some smells I still can't tolerate - eggs being one of them which sucks as that was my main breakfast food. balancing nutrition and hydration has been difficult. School makes it even more complicated. But, We are taking it one day at a time. A couple weeks ago, I had the strangest craving for dark chocolate chex mix. I got a bag, had a few bites and that was enough. Overall, I've been really tired and trying to get 8-9 hours of sleep a night. I just hope I'll make it through school after the baby gets here.

How far along: 9 weeks, 1 day
Total weight gain: 1 pound give or take - it depends on the day
Maternity clothes: not really, I bought a pair of stretchy pants a couple weeks ago
Stretch marks: nope
Sleep: It comes and goes. The meds I take for nausea are also a sleep aid and it messes me up

Best moment of this week: Today was the first day I felt normal - perhaps it's because I went running....
Miss anything:  energy
Movement: nope
Food cravings:. chocolate, chicken salad
Anything making you queasy or sick:  eggs, some meats, strong food smells
Have you started to show yet: I'd like to think so, and that it's not just my belly fat protruding.
Gender:  Don't know, but I think it's a boy.
Labor signs: Nope
Belly button in or out: in
Wedding rings on or off: On!
Happy or moody most of the time:  Mostly happy - though if i'm tired, I get snappy. 

And - Base Housing it is!

So, after the last house fell through (and thankfully, God knows best!) We decided to move forward with Base Housing. All in all, this was an easy decision in some aspect and a not so easy decision in others. It limits us bring all our animals and we only have a year lease. On the other hand, it will be ready in a few weeks and we are not tied to one specific area. It's close to Josh's work and school and I think it's the best option right now. :)

I got my transcript evaluation back and I have over 90 credits being transferred to this school - WOW! 6-7 years of school and I have a quarter degree worth of school and yet still at least 2 years left. :)  But all that is lining up and I am looking to register at the beginning of next month.

We're just waiting on the final say for when we can move in and I am so stoked! After almost two months of not being in my own home, this will be a welcome transition. This has definitely been an interesting path to walk through and I know that this will not be the last time I will have to move and/or do this.

I'm really thankful though, that God has given me such a sweet, caring, patient and humble man for a hubby. This has been a very difficult thing to walk through (moving 5000 miles away) and he has been my number 1 supporter through all of it. I really am blessed when I get my head out of the mud - I'm in Hawai'i, with my hubby, I'm coming home soon to get my dog and I will be able to set up a home soon!!

Housing

One way in which I am thankful to be writing these stories is because they document God's Faithfulness to us during this move. I have seen God's hand move through this housing situation by closing doors and opening others.
Josh has been on this island for about a month now and has looked at many houses. Many houses. Since I've been here, I've looked at a good number as well. We never found "the house" (which is an important element, I think, if you're ever going to enter into such a huge financial agreement - you kind of have to like the house a little bit...just a little..  ;)  ). There were other issues as well that came into play - too much $$, not enough yard, too small, etc. Nothing was panning out.
We finally saw a house in Ewa Beach that looked incredibly promising. So we put an offer on it. We looked at several houses during that time, and also feeling the time crunch we're under, it seemed like the best option. Now the houses in Ewa Beach are nicer, newer and more of the mainland style of home. It seemed like a good neighborhood, was close to a shopping center (which I liked) and would fit our needs for right now.
Now here comes the fun part:
The day after we made the offer, our Realtor called us with some news. The sellers liked our offer and wanted to accept, but with some contingencies. When the Realtor told me the contingencies, I had a brief heart-attack. These were some things which were unfortunately affected by extenuating circumstances. I made several calls, but to no avail. I couldn't reach anyone I needed to. So I gave it to God. I asked Him to please close the door if this wasn't the house for us. The realtor called me back and said the sellers had accepted our offer with no contingencies. I was elated and so excited. It looked like the door was still open. Fast forward a few days and things changed again. A transaction that still needed closure ended up closing in an entirely different way that we expected. These results caused us to have to cancel our contract. Even though I was disappointed, I was so thankful that God clearly closed the door. Looking back now, I see the mercies in that door closure.
After we had to cancel, We went to base housing to put our names on the waiting list. Better to be safe than sorry I thought. I also sent an email to our former pastor's wife who is also a very dear friend asking for prayer over this situation - that God would provide a house, the house HE has for us, in his time. When we went to the housing office, they told us that they had one available mid-July. Mid-July worked perfectly with out timeframe. The house is also one of the bigger and newer complexes. Bigger and newer sounded good to us. They gave us the address and we went to go see it. The neighborhood looked nice, the houses looked nice and from the layout, it looked good. However, the yards were small and the houses were in a fourplex and the one they sent us to was right in the middle. We also weren't thrilled that every window you looked out was like looking into your neighbors window, especially from the front door. Josh was commenting as we drove by that it was too bad it wasn't an end unit, giving us more room for the pups and more of a yard. Again, I went to bed praying that if this was the house for us, He would make it known to us. And if it wasn't, that He would provide the house he wants us in. The next day we went back to resolve some more paperwork and we spoke with the lady again.
She informed us that she misspoke - the house she sent us to wasn't available until mid-August. But, she had another one available mid July. Same neighborhood, a couple streets down, Front door overlooks the park, AND....it is an end unit. Another blessing is that we had the weekend to think about it. We decided for right now, this is the absolute best option we have - and so we are going with it. I've sent a letter to the housing office, letting them know of our decision and we go from there.

Food for thought and first impressions

Came across this quote this morning:
“Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?”
― Corrie ten Boom

Too often I find myself relying on prayer as a spare tire. Often I feel like I am in communion with God as I reach out to Him all the time. That in and of itself may be a form of prayer but the real supplication, listening to His voice, the pouring out of my heart is something that is missing from my spiritual walk.
I am realizing the importance if this deep spiriual connection. It strengthens you. It uplifts you. It heals you. It connects you to God.
Before arriving in Hawai'i, I prayed for God to unsettle me. For 25 years I have lived in my comfort zone, never straying too far outside of it for long periods of time. On Tuesday, that changed forever. I stepped onto a plane and flew one way to Hawaii, our new duty station. I was excited. So very excited. Hawaii is a place people dream of going. Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful. But beneath the beauty, there is the smog of sin. The smog that is always there but not always seen. There is a spiritual darkness here and it becomes more and more evident as I walk the streets of downtown Honalulu and even in the oh so beautiful Waikiki.
I prayed for the Lord to unsettle me and that He did. The last 4 days have been a roller coaster of emotions ranging from anger, to excitement, to frustration, to joy, from wonder, to disappointment, and so on. I feel lost, like I don't belong. Like i don't fit in. Then I kick myself for feeling these things. I tell myself I should be stronger than this, that I should buck up and get over it. As the days progress, I am realizing that, unlike the tourists around me, I am not going to be getting on a plane heading home. This is my home now.
As we continue to look for houses and settle in, so many unknowns lie before me. But despite the unknowns, God is a known God. He never changes and has shown Himself faithful to me, despite my unbelief and unfaithfulness.

What I take away from this so far:
1) I MUST stay in the Word. I sense many spiritual battles up ahead and I MUST be ready for them. I must stay faithful in my walk with Christ and rely on his strength and not mine to get me through the days as week's ahead. I must relish in the times of peace and cling to scripture and God'd promises.

2) I am thankful that my first move is still withing the US. I know the language, driving will only take a short while to get used to, I can navigate easily. I think of people I know who made this first move pregnant while going to a completely different country and culture. They had to start from scratch to learn our American ways and assimilate to our way of life.

3) there is so much opportunity for spiritual growth. I feel unsettled and shaken up. But I feel God pulling this pieces together in a way that I have never felt before. I feel as if he will use those pieces and use me for His purpose.

4) I also feel there will be a lot of growth in my marriage. For the first tome, Josh and I are on our own. We are setting out on uncharted waters together. There will be ups and there will be downs, but if we rely on Jesus every step of the way, we will be victorious.

5) this is a good time for me to learn how to rest - to rest in Jesus. My main way of dealing with high stress situations is to ignore it until the very last minute and completely overwhelm myself. Or I start one million tasks, never finish one completely and then feel like a total failure in life. The beauty of this situation is that I only have to really focus on one thing -  Acclimating to Hawaii and I am learning to take it slow.

There are countless things for me to learn in the months and years ahead. In many ways I am excited to see how God will use this in my life. I feel that He has great things planned for Josh and Me. :)

We have a renter!

Praise the Lord! We have a renter! And exactly a week before Josh is to leave. I am so amazed by God's goodness in this situation.
1) we have a renter
2) they're a military family who also have two rentals and are generously helping us through this process
3) They want to sign a 5 year lease!

This takes so much off of our minds and eases this leaving. I would have felt very nervous had the house not been rented or sold. The house gets packed up in a couple of days and yet I am not feeling worried, nervous, or anything! I truly think that this is God's Spirit, working in me the Peace which surpasses all comprehension. I know that I have a while before I leave, but it will all be ok.

Another thing we decided is to keep the dogs with my parents and then I will come back and get them. Right now, we have no house in Hawaii and I don't know what we will do with them once we get there. It will be a lot easier on them (and us) if we go out there, find a house and get everything settled. I will miss my babies terribly, but this is what's best for them .

So, We are T minus 5 days from our stuff being picked up, T minus 6 days from Josh leaving and less than three weeks till I board a plane to Hawaii! God is so good!

T minus two weeks (Give or take!)

It is May 8th - The countdown has officially begun. 

As it stands right now, our household goods are being picked up in less than two weeks. And the day after that, Joshua leaves for Hawai'i. As we get closer, I get more and more excited. Who knows how that will be on the day of my flight. 

I can only imagine how people did this way back when this country was first started. They packed up their belongings, their memories, their family, and traveled across unknown territories to start over. My journey is much less intimidating. 

Right now, there are several things I'm praying for, some of which I won't post here, but I'll label it as a silent prayer. 

1) Silent prayer regarding the house
2) travel mercies for the dogs. Since we are taking them, the process for getting animals into the Hawaii is arduous with many details which can go unnoticed. I'm praying that all of then have gone noticed and that my fur babies will be able to come home with me when I arrive in Hawaii versus being quarantined. Also prayers that the $$ damage will be minimal. 
3) Our cats are currently in Dallas and should be making their way to Hawaii in August sometime. I'm praying that all those details will be worked out as well. 
4) Praying for God's will to be done in another silent prayer area. 
5) That we will find a house quickly and that it will meet our needs as far as commute to Josh's work and my school. 

As time grows short, I'm trying to maximize the time I spend with family and friends. These times of sweet communion will not be available for a long time! :) 

To Hawai'i we go!

Well, I did it. I spilled the beans. We're headed to Hawai'i! I couldn't be more excited! I decided to create a blog to catalog all of our travels and such. It's the first time I will be leaving Maryland and the first time going anywhere really.

The Lord has really worked in my life in incredible ways this past year. He laid some verses on my heart about a year and a half ago. They were Psalm 46:10 and Psalm 37:4. "Be Still and know that I am God" and " Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Well, God has done those things. He remained faithful to me even in my darkest hour when my hope and faith were the weakest. I have seen him do the impossible in my life and I am constantly marveling at the way in which He works.

One of the things that I would like to catalog in this is not only the things that Josh and I embark upon in our married life, but also the way in which God chooses to use situations in my life, to challenge and test my faith.

Our wedding was this past weekend and we had nothing short of a blast. It is truly an amazing thing to see two people God brings together and two families he unites.

I wish I had something substantial to say, but I think I will leave it at that. :) Mahalo!