Food for thought and first impressions

Came across this quote this morning:
“Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?”
― Corrie ten Boom

Too often I find myself relying on prayer as a spare tire. Often I feel like I am in communion with God as I reach out to Him all the time. That in and of itself may be a form of prayer but the real supplication, listening to His voice, the pouring out of my heart is something that is missing from my spiritual walk.
I am realizing the importance if this deep spiriual connection. It strengthens you. It uplifts you. It heals you. It connects you to God.
Before arriving in Hawai'i, I prayed for God to unsettle me. For 25 years I have lived in my comfort zone, never straying too far outside of it for long periods of time. On Tuesday, that changed forever. I stepped onto a plane and flew one way to Hawaii, our new duty station. I was excited. So very excited. Hawaii is a place people dream of going. Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful. But beneath the beauty, there is the smog of sin. The smog that is always there but not always seen. There is a spiritual darkness here and it becomes more and more evident as I walk the streets of downtown Honalulu and even in the oh so beautiful Waikiki.
I prayed for the Lord to unsettle me and that He did. The last 4 days have been a roller coaster of emotions ranging from anger, to excitement, to frustration, to joy, from wonder, to disappointment, and so on. I feel lost, like I don't belong. Like i don't fit in. Then I kick myself for feeling these things. I tell myself I should be stronger than this, that I should buck up and get over it. As the days progress, I am realizing that, unlike the tourists around me, I am not going to be getting on a plane heading home. This is my home now.
As we continue to look for houses and settle in, so many unknowns lie before me. But despite the unknowns, God is a known God. He never changes and has shown Himself faithful to me, despite my unbelief and unfaithfulness.

What I take away from this so far:
1) I MUST stay in the Word. I sense many spiritual battles up ahead and I MUST be ready for them. I must stay faithful in my walk with Christ and rely on his strength and not mine to get me through the days as week's ahead. I must relish in the times of peace and cling to scripture and God'd promises.

2) I am thankful that my first move is still withing the US. I know the language, driving will only take a short while to get used to, I can navigate easily. I think of people I know who made this first move pregnant while going to a completely different country and culture. They had to start from scratch to learn our American ways and assimilate to our way of life.

3) there is so much opportunity for spiritual growth. I feel unsettled and shaken up. But I feel God pulling this pieces together in a way that I have never felt before. I feel as if he will use those pieces and use me for His purpose.

4) I also feel there will be a lot of growth in my marriage. For the first tome, Josh and I are on our own. We are setting out on uncharted waters together. There will be ups and there will be downs, but if we rely on Jesus every step of the way, we will be victorious.

5) this is a good time for me to learn how to rest - to rest in Jesus. My main way of dealing with high stress situations is to ignore it until the very last minute and completely overwhelm myself. Or I start one million tasks, never finish one completely and then feel like a total failure in life. The beauty of this situation is that I only have to really focus on one thing -  Acclimating to Hawaii and I am learning to take it slow.

There are countless things for me to learn in the months and years ahead. In many ways I am excited to see how God will use this in my life. I feel that He has great things planned for Josh and Me. :)